Leave this long-haired country boy alone (part 1)

I decided to grow out my hair and donate it to the Locks of Love when it gets long enough. The last haircut I got was October, 2008, and I anticipate that I will cut off a 10" ponytail sometime this Fall after two years of growth. Before beginning on this adventure, I made sure I got clearance from the Big 3 - my wife, my parents, and my boss. However, if I were to be totally honest, the whole thing is kind of self-indulgent. All I really wanted to do was grow out my damn hair again, and I needed a strong rationalization for doing so - Locks of Love just happened to be handy.

It was easy to convince Grancey that I should grow out my hair for a good cause, because she was completely convinced that I would never be able to stand it long enough to get it that long. She was up for it just for the potential fun in seeing me tortured by my own hair, and she made many dire predictions as to how I would never survive the Alabama summers with long hair. She did, however, make the observation that if I had long hair while being obese, I would "look like Meatloaf," so I promised to lose weight (which is another thing I believe she assumed I couldn't do). Wrong on both counts, sweetie.

Normally, my parents would have gone ballistic at the idea of me having long hair (I know I'm almost 50, but it's a Southern thing - you can't disappoint mama and daddy). However, I have two sisters who are retired and one brother who was recently fired, so I'm suddenly the Fiscal Patriarch of the family, and that gives me a little more clout than I usually have.

It was also easy to convince my bosses (department chair, dean, and president), because I am a college professor, and it's not unusual to see male college professors sporting ponytails all the time. In fact, whenever our college president sees me, she makes me turn around so she can grab my ponytail and pull it to judge its length. I know, I know - it's techinically sexual harrassment, but as long as it makes her happy, I'm cool with it.

What none of them all realize is that I have been DESPERATE to have long hair again for a long, long time. I'm like Br'er Rabbit in the briar patch. I LOVE having hair fall down my back. I LOVE being able to shake it like the Beatles or AC/DC to loud music. I LOVE getting it blown out of my scrunchy and having to tuck it back down behind my ear. I LOVE feeling the weight of the ponytail flip over onto my shoulder when I turn my head quickly. I LOVE being able to smell my shampoo on my hair. I LOVE brushing it out at night. I LOVE absent-mindedly braiding my ponytail behind my head while I watch TV. Therefore, I have decided to grow out my hair an additional 2" beyond what's required for Locks of Love, because I want to have enough hair for another ponytail after I cut off the donation. I love it so much, I'm going to immediately start the next ponytail right away. I figure as long as I can keep up this subterfuge of donating hair to a charity, I can trick people into allowing me to enjoy long hair for the rest of my life. Hell, most guys my age are dealing with the problem of not having any hair, so I figure I might as well enjoy what I've got, right?

Perhaps the weirdest aspect of the whole adventure has been the negative reactions I've gotten from some folks about Locks of Love. They don't have a problem with me donating my hair to a charity, but just not that one. Apparently, their objections are sourced to a bogus internet urban legend that Locks of Love is a ripoff. Trust me, I've checked into it and I've done my due diligence - I'm going with Locks of Love. If anyone has a problem with that, then fuck you. You can donate your hair wherever you want, and I won't give you any shit about it. In fact, I'll say, "Way to go, that's awesome." I just expect the same in return. I will never understand the type of person who feels obligated to rain on the parade of EVERY damn thing you try to do. Even charity.

The second part of this post (whenever I get back to it) will deal more with the other types of reactions I've gotten from people concerning my long hair.